Sunday, June 11, 2017
Positive Indoctrination for the Realist i.e. Pessimist: I lost another dear friend last week. The third in...
Positive Indoctrination for the Realist i.e. Pessimist: I lost another dear friend last week. The third in...: I lost another dear friend last week. The third in as many months. He was a bit older than me but still not so much that I consider him of a...
I lost another dear friend last week. The third in as many months. He was a bit older than me but still not so much that I consider him of another generation. In fact most of us who gathered to remember him were in our sixties. As we talked I was struck by the conversations I heard. It seems that we are the older generation now. We are the ones whose kids are contemplating what they will do with us when "that time comes".
I don't know about you, but I have questions. I have doubts and no one seems to be talking. I remember when I misplaced my keys and it had no portend of doom associated with it. I remember when I dumped my bike and it was laughed off as "you've always been a klutz". I don't know when these things took on such a sinister meaning.
I am aware that I have more years behind me than ahead now, but what does that look like? Am I the only one with questions? I know I am not the only one who is grappling with this. There were quite a few whispered comments at the memorial service; but no one seems to engage in a conversation of exactly what it feels like to come to this realization.
So I wrestle with my demons alone and they sometimes take on epic proportions that in no way resemble reality. Every misplaced set of keys, every stumble, every ache or pain becomes the harbinger of awful things ahead. How did this start? Why do we perpetuate this perception? "You know how it is when we get old." No I don't and that is the problem. If I am honest, I have always been a little clumsy. I have always misplaced my keys or my glasses. I have always had an ache here or there in my body, usually from too much or too little activity.
Am I the only one who wants to talk about what it feels like to be the older generation? Am I the only one struggling to navigate these waters? There are all kinds of books out there, but they seem to be about how to prolong our youth. I don't want to prolong my youth; I want to know how to age without feeling like I am no longer relevant.
I have tried the creams and lotions, the vitamins, the wonder drugs. I don't have nor do I want to spend money every year on trying to inject my age away. I am aging and I want to know that I am not the only one who doesn't know what that means, what that looks like. I went through menopause without a guide because I refused to treat it like a disease and make it go away like most of the women I knew at the time were doing. It was a lonely process and there was very rarely anyone to talk with about what was happening. This aging thing though, I know we are all going through it. Why are we not talking about it? Why are we not expressing our fears and doubts? Why does this seem to be such a taboo subject? I would sure be grateful to have some sort of support in dealing with the uncertainties that seem to come along with this stage of my life. Am I the only one with questions?
I don't know about you, but I have questions. I have doubts and no one seems to be talking. I remember when I misplaced my keys and it had no portend of doom associated with it. I remember when I dumped my bike and it was laughed off as "you've always been a klutz". I don't know when these things took on such a sinister meaning.
I am aware that I have more years behind me than ahead now, but what does that look like? Am I the only one with questions? I know I am not the only one who is grappling with this. There were quite a few whispered comments at the memorial service; but no one seems to engage in a conversation of exactly what it feels like to come to this realization.
So I wrestle with my demons alone and they sometimes take on epic proportions that in no way resemble reality. Every misplaced set of keys, every stumble, every ache or pain becomes the harbinger of awful things ahead. How did this start? Why do we perpetuate this perception? "You know how it is when we get old." No I don't and that is the problem. If I am honest, I have always been a little clumsy. I have always misplaced my keys or my glasses. I have always had an ache here or there in my body, usually from too much or too little activity.
Am I the only one who wants to talk about what it feels like to be the older generation? Am I the only one struggling to navigate these waters? There are all kinds of books out there, but they seem to be about how to prolong our youth. I don't want to prolong my youth; I want to know how to age without feeling like I am no longer relevant.
I have tried the creams and lotions, the vitamins, the wonder drugs. I don't have nor do I want to spend money every year on trying to inject my age away. I am aging and I want to know that I am not the only one who doesn't know what that means, what that looks like. I went through menopause without a guide because I refused to treat it like a disease and make it go away like most of the women I knew at the time were doing. It was a lonely process and there was very rarely anyone to talk with about what was happening. This aging thing though, I know we are all going through it. Why are we not talking about it? Why are we not expressing our fears and doubts? Why does this seem to be such a taboo subject? I would sure be grateful to have some sort of support in dealing with the uncertainties that seem to come along with this stage of my life. Am I the only one with questions?
Tuesday, January 10, 2017
Easy@Home Digital Scale
I just received this Easy@Home Digital Bluetooth Scale from Healthcare-Manager.com. I have to let you know that I received this device in exchange for my honest opinion so here it is.
This is a very pretty scale. I love the solid black screen that springs to life when you step on it. It is clean looking and lightweight, thin enough to slip under a bathroom cabinet.
The bluetooth syncs very easily and the app is clear and concise. This scale only measures weight and BMI (Body Mass Index). Personally I would prefer the scale that measures bone density and body fat. Healthcare Manager has an Easy@Home Digital Bluetooth Scale that offers these measurements. I may have to give this scale to my Hubby and get the more robust one for myself. I will definitely get the Easy@Home scale when I do. Below is a snapshot of the app.
This is a very pretty scale. I love the solid black screen that springs to life when you step on it. It is clean looking and lightweight, thin enough to slip under a bathroom cabinet.
Friday, February 7, 2014
Thursday, February 6, 2014
Monday, January 27, 2014
Still Amazed at My Almost 30 Years of Sobriety
I am going to go on a little rant here so be forewarned.
Since when do I need to apologize for having almost 30 years of sobriety? I have been an active member of a 12 step program for almost 30 years. For awhile now I have gone to meetings where it seems ok for people to announce that they have 22 months of sobriety or 13 months of sobriety but if I even mention that I have been sober for a "long time" someone feels it necessary to give a lecture about how we live one day at a time and people with long-term sobriety are no different than someone with one day. That it is arrogant to talk about having long-term sobriety. I agree I am no different but I do have the benefit of my own experience today. I no longer have to rely on the promises of others that things do get better. I can assure the newcomer that if they hold on things will get better from my own experience as others did for me when I was newly sober.
Since when do I need to apologize for having almost 30 years of sobriety? I have been an active member of a 12 step program for almost 30 years. For awhile now I have gone to meetings where it seems ok for people to announce that they have 22 months of sobriety or 13 months of sobriety but if I even mention that I have been sober for a "long time" someone feels it necessary to give a lecture about how we live one day at a time and people with long-term sobriety are no different than someone with one day. That it is arrogant to talk about having long-term sobriety. I agree I am no different but I do have the benefit of my own experience today. I no longer have to rely on the promises of others that things do get better. I can assure the newcomer that if they hold on things will get better from my own experience as others did for me when I was newly sober.
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
Here is the Good Stuff
I just wanted to let you all know that I have an awesome, successful daughter who is the light of my life. She gets so left behind in the aftermath of my other kid and she deserves so much more. So Rene, here's to you my little ray of sunshine. I love you so much.
Positive Indoctrination for the Realist i.e. Pessimist: Will There Ever...
Positive Indoctrination for the Realist i.e. Pessimist: Will There Ever...: Will there ever be a day without tears? Will there ever be a day without fears? Will there ever be a day when I can breathe? Will there e...
Will There Ever...
Will there ever be a day without tears?
Will there ever be a day without fears?
Will there ever be a day when I can breathe?
Will there ever be a day when I don't wonder?
Will there ever be a day when I don't worry?
Will there ever be a day when it is just a day?
Will there ever be a day without fears?
Will there ever be a day when I can breathe?
Will there ever be a day when I don't wonder?
Will there ever be a day when I don't worry?
Will there ever be a day when it is just a day?
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Trying to Breathe
The thing that has taken over my son showed up at my door about a half hour ago. He is just a bag of bones and bullshit. He wanted to list his motorcycle so that he could pay the bail company that got him out this last time. Fools, they paid his bail on his word.
He has lost his phone, has no place to stay but he was going to list his bike on Craigslist. I told him I was quite puzzled as to how he was going to do this as I am not available to be his contact for any inquiries.
He is so mystified that no one will come to his aid. He sat staring at me with a look on his face of total anger and then he got up and left. I simply closed the door behind him and wished him luck out there.
I wish I could say that I am ok and this was just an uncomfortable moment but I am not. I am angry, hurt, scared, sad, grieving and on and on and on. Really just trying to breathe. I keep thinking I should call someone, but I do not really want to talk to anyone. No one knows what this is like and I know they mean well with their words but they just can't know what it is like to see your beautiful son reduced to the walking dead, To know that it is just a matter of time till he is no longer the walking dead, he is just dead, to grieve for a dead son who can still walk and talk to you but is really not there, to have the grieving go on for days and days into years and years, holding your breath until he finally finds some peace and I can begin to heal.
I pray, I cry, I go on putting one foot in front of the other until I can do one final thing for my son, put him in a box and give him some eternal rest.
He has lost his phone, has no place to stay but he was going to list his bike on Craigslist. I told him I was quite puzzled as to how he was going to do this as I am not available to be his contact for any inquiries.
He is so mystified that no one will come to his aid. He sat staring at me with a look on his face of total anger and then he got up and left. I simply closed the door behind him and wished him luck out there.
I wish I could say that I am ok and this was just an uncomfortable moment but I am not. I am angry, hurt, scared, sad, grieving and on and on and on. Really just trying to breathe. I keep thinking I should call someone, but I do not really want to talk to anyone. No one knows what this is like and I know they mean well with their words but they just can't know what it is like to see your beautiful son reduced to the walking dead, To know that it is just a matter of time till he is no longer the walking dead, he is just dead, to grieve for a dead son who can still walk and talk to you but is really not there, to have the grieving go on for days and days into years and years, holding your breath until he finally finds some peace and I can begin to heal.
I pray, I cry, I go on putting one foot in front of the other until I can do one final thing for my son, put him in a box and give him some eternal rest.
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