A Day of Contemplation

So, I have been comtemplating all day.Where did my sense of humor go?  I used to have a very good one. It tended toward the sarcastic; but it was a good sense of humor.  Now I still have the sarcasm but it seems to lean more toward the cynical than the humor.

Where did my passion go?  No, not passion as in amour.  Passion as in a passion for photography, hiking, traveling or anything; arguing about politics, whatever.

I don't think I am depressed as much as just unimpressed.  I saw a study that said that one could be in their 80s or 90s but if they still had an enthusiam  for life and were relatively independent, people did not think of them as old.  God, if that is the criteria I am halfway to decrepit.

I am tired of being home all day but there is nothing to take me out.  I don't like shopping and going hiking alone just doesn't get it.  I think about going to the gym; but hey, I can always go tomorrow.  I don't have anything going on then either.

So, what is the disconnect?  Is it because I am not working? I really didn't like working either.  When I was working I was always discontent about not having enough time at home to take care of the things I really wanted to do.  Now I have the time and I wish I was working, at least part time.

I spend too much time hanging out with me and obviously I am not very good company.  Don't get me wrong, I have a strong sense of self-confidence.  I am just boring.  No interests, no passions, no zest for life.   Kinda just hangin' out here.

Maybe I am not a realist, maybe I am just way bored and disillusioned.

Aren't you going to be surprised when you read about something good and positive here?  It will happen, I guarantee it.  I am just going to keep talking and writing until I figure this out.