I am getting ready this morning to go on an annual couples retreat and as I do the wash and the packng my brain has time to ruminate into corners that I normally ignore with a great deal of consious effort - corners I really need to stay far away from.
Am I really worth anything as a person? What constitutes a person's worth? Some people believe that without a college degree you are not quite as good as. Is this true? I don't have a college degree. It wasn't necessarily a priority in my blue collar family. But one of the most intelligent persons I have ever met was my Father. There wasn't an instrument he couldn't play, he was wise in so many ways. He raised eight children who all graduated from high school, which was an huge accomplishment for him since he never finished 8th grade. Did he ever feel lesser than his collegues?
I don't think so. He was a master at math and electricity and just about any other mechanical thing. People came to him often for his help. Maybe it was a different time, but he was valued for what he could do not what he read about in some classroom.
But that was my Father. What makes me a person of worth? I really have no idea. I am not really good at keeping my home spotless even though I am not working. Even when I did work I wasn't the stellar employee my Hubby is. I have no interest in climbing the corporate ladder and never have had. What defines me as a person of value? I care about others and my increasingly irritating intuition leads me to be the Queen of Unsolicited Advice. I can not look into someone's eyes and see the hurt there and not say something. I am sure most people would not look at this trait as something of value since, again, my advice is usually prompted by my impression of what they are feeling and definitely not something they have asked for. Most would tell you I was not off base about how they are doing but maybe they don't want to talk about it and I just seem to open the door uninvited. Is this of value? Sometimes maybe, maybe not.
What do I contribute that makes me of value and earns me a place here? I don't know. I don't have a college degree that declares to the world that I am a person of worth. I don't have a job that I do with unfailing loyalty proving that I am an essential team player. What do I do that defines me as a person of worth, of value? I give plenty of unsolicited advice when I see people hurting which they usually are not all that thrilled about receiving at that moment. That makes me more of a nusance than a value.
What is my contribution to making this world a better place? I will keep pondering until I come up with something. There has to be something there or I wouldn't still be here would I?
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